Archive for May, 2015

The Kavakian Empire – Part Two Emperor Ch2a

Posted in Sci-Fi Part 2, The Kavakian Empire with tags , , , , , , , , on May 30, 2015 by Dawn Ross

The Kavakian Empire

A Space Opera by Dawn Ross

Part Two – The Emperor

Chapter 2a

(Check out the previous posts to read chapter 1. This is part two of the sci-fi series so you will probably want to read all the chapters of the part one novella first. You can read it by going through the archives beginning August 2014, by clicking through to the oldest post under The Kavakian Empire category, or by emailing me at naturebydawn@aol.com.)

“Terk, get the identity of these men,” the emperor ordered his son. “I want to know if they have any value.”

“Yes, Sir,” Terk replied. When the young man looked at his father, his face was unreadable. But when he looked at J.T., he showed a hint of concern.

The look on Jori’s face was more obvious though. At first, Jori had looked surprised when he recognized J.T. Then his face grew troubled.

Both recognized J.T. but neither said anything to their father.

“Terk. Jori,” J.T. said. “It’s good to see. . .”

J.T. was cut short when Terk unexpectedly sent a fast side-kick hard across J.T.’s head.

“Do not pretend to know me,” Terk growled menacingly. His dark eyes were hard and his nostrils flared angrily.

J.T. was stunned into silence. There was no trace of the concern J.T. had thought he had seen in the young prince just a moment ago. He glanced at the younger prince. Jori still had a look of disquiet but he didn’t offer any sort of explanation. Instead, he gave an almost indiscernible shake of his head. For whatever reason, the boys didn’t want anyone to know that they knew one another.

There was a coolness to their actions as the young princes methodically used a hand-held scanner to get a reading on all the Alliance crew prisoners. When J.T.’s surprise wore off, he felt a little hurt. It wasn’t a physical kind of hurt, although his head still stung from where Terk had kicked him. It was an emotional hurt. J.T. knew these boys. He had met them just a few months before and thought they had become friends.

Terk, Erst Prince Kavak, had been in command of a small vessel that had crash landed on a desolate planet in Alliance territory. Except for his little brother Jori, the entire crew had been killed. Terk himself nearly died as well. Their father, the emperor, was not on board so the two boys were put under J.T.’s care. Their stay had been tense at times. The Tredons and the Alliance were fierce enemies after all. But the more J.T. had come to know the young princes the more he liked them, especially Jori.

It hadn’t been easy getting the young princes a safe return home. Jori and Terk had convinced Captain Arden that contacting their father the emperor would be unwise. It would be best, they said, if their father never knew they had been in Alliance custody. He would never believe the captain’s goodwill towards them.

Rear Admiral Zimmer had presented another roadblock to getting Jori and Terk home. He had wanted to take the young princes into custody. If he had done so and if Emperor Kavak found out, there would surely be a great war between the Tredons and the Alliance. Fortunately, Captain Arden found a way to skirt Zimmer’s orders. In the end, Jori and Terk were able to leave peacefully without an intergalactic incident.

Just before they left, Jori told the captain about his father’s knowledge of the dendium laser. Even though Jori didn’t say outright that his father would try to steal the laser, he hinted at it plainly enough. Thendi was not officially part of the Alliance, but they were close allies. When Captain Arden passed on the information Jori had given him, the Alliance council agreed protection of Thendi was warranted.

It wasn’t enough. And so now here J.T. was, helpless with his hands bound painfully behind his back while the Tredon warriors dismantled a laser that could be converted into a deadly weapon. There was nothing J.T. could do. Not even the friendship he had thought he forged with the Kavakian princes seemed to be of help. As soon as the emperor found out he and his crew didn’t have the skill to work on the unfinished laser, he and the others would be killed.

J.T. held on to a small spark of hope. Both Jori and Terk knew he had little scientific skill, yet they said nothing to their father. Why haven’t they told him? J.T. wondered. Then again, why haven’t they told him how I helped save their lives a few months back?

“Father, I’ll need to plug this scanner into our database in order to find out more about these prisoners,” Terk said after he finished getting readings from all the Alliance survivors.

“Go,” the emperor replied, barely taking his eyes off the Tredon Dragon warriors who were dismantling the laser. “Take the prisoners with you and kill the ones who are of no use.”

“Yes, Sir,” Terk replied without flinching. Terk was only a teenager so he wasn’t even half as big as the adult warriors. But he was tall for his age. He wore the same reptilian armor and although the suit didn’t show as much muscle as the others, it showed a young man in peak fit condition. There was no doubt that Terk was just as much a warrior as the others.

When J.T. looked at Terk, he was afraid. Even though he felt he had once made friends with this boy, he still had been wary of him. There was a hardness to him that J.T. dared not provoke. Seeing Terk now and hearing the indifference in his voice when he acknowledged his father’s orders, J.T. had little doubt the young prince would kill him without hesitation.

“The woman’s mine,” Lank, the ugly Tredon brute said.

“Fine,” the emperor replied.

“What!” J.T. shouted, forgetting about his own impending death. “You can’t!”

A swift punch to the gut from one of his guards kept him from saying more. J.T. buckled from the blow and struggled to catch his breath. He was still coughing and gagging when the Tredon warrior literally dragged him from the laser room.

(This sci-fi saga is protected by copyright) Copyright May, 2015 by Dawn Ross

You may share this sci-fi story so long as you link back to this website and mention, The Kavakian Empire by Dawn Ross.

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The Kavakian Empire – Part Two Emperor Ch1c

Posted in Sci-Fi Part 2, The Kavakian Empire with tags , , , , , , , , on May 23, 2015 by Dawn Ross
Samurai Warrior

This is a Samurai Warrior that reminds me of Emperor Kavak.

The Kavakian Empire

A Space Opera by Dawn Ross

Part Two – The Emperor

Chapter 1c

(This is chapter 1, but it’s not the beginning of chapter 1. Please check out the previous posts to read 1a and 1b of this sci-fi story. Also, this is part two. If you haven’t read part one of this novella saga, you can read it by going through the archives beginning August 2014, by clicking through to the oldest post under The Kavakian Empire category, or by emailing me at naturebydawn@aol.com.)

When the Tredon Dragon warriors realized the Alliance troops had stopped firing, they swarmed into the laser room chamber. The room was vast, even with the large laser taking up so much space. But the chamber was no longer a neat, well-constructed room. The place was a disaster. The cavern walls were exposed in a number of places and debris littered the floor.

The Dragon warriors waded through easily, like killer ants overrunning and devouring their prey. J.T. and his surviving troops were surrounded in no time. Dozens of black garbed warriors towered over them. They were all huge, well-built men. Their reptilian uniforms conformed to their bodies, enhancing every muscular ripple. Some warriors of other races built the muscular look into their armor, but the Tredon warriors needed no such enhancements. If J.T. hadn’t already been afraid for his life, the stares of these hard men would have done the trick.

J.T. was sure the warriors were going to kill them then and there. But with a sharp command from their leader, the enemy manhandled and forced J.T. and the others to lay face down onto the floor. Before J.T. could even think of resisting, he and his troops all had their hands bound behind their backs.

“Hey, look at this one!” one of the warriors said as he slapped Hanna’s behind sharply. “It’s a woman,” he laughed.

“No wonder they lost so easily,” another warrior said. “They have their women fighting for them.”

“Knock it off, you dumbass brute,” Hanna growled. “I’m no helpless woman. You touch me and I’ll rip off your balls and shove them down your throat.”

J.T. winced. Antagonizing a Dragon warrior was never a good idea. At the same time, though, he admired Hanna’s spirit.

The Dragon warrior laughed. He moved to mount her but an order from the leader stopped him short. “Duty first, Lank.”

The ugly warrior named Lank obeyed. Hanna was left alone for now. But J.T. cringed inwardly at the thought of her fate.

“Sir!” a Dragon warrior called out with alarm. He was lankier than the other warriors, but still sinewy. “They have a self-destruct set on the laser.”

“Disarm it,” the leader said, as though it were the simplest thing in the world.

“I’m not sure I can,” the man replied.

Good, J.T. though. Perhaps Hanna won’t be used to entertain these beasts. Somehow, the thought of dying in a sudden large explosion gave him a sense of relief.

That small spark of hope was dashed, though, when the Dragon leader forced one of J.T.’s troops to his feet.

“Do you know how to deactivate the self-destruct?” he asked.

“N-no,” the prisoner replied.

The leader struck the man across the face so hard that J.T. heard his jaw pop. The man fell to the ground and groaned in pain. The dragon warrior lifted him to his feet again and put his face in the prisoner’s face.

“I ask you again, are you sure you don’t know how to deactivate the self-destruct?”

The man, a lieutenant junior grade who had served security on board another Alliance ship, shook his head since he was unable to speak. The Dragon warrior grabbed him by the jaw so hard that the man screamed in agony.

“Are you sure?” the warrior demanded.

The man was crying now. He was trying to beg, but his jaw wouldn’t work.

After asking a few more times, the warrior leader simply snapped the man’s neck, killing him instantly.

But that wasn’t the end of it. The warrior leader picked up another one of J.T.’s troops and asked the same question. He let the torture drag on a little longer before he killed this on too. J.T. felt his insides curl. He wanted to throw up. How much longer before the laser explodes? he asked himself.

The next man the Dragon leader picked up was Simmonds. Simmonds had actually vomited. Some of the bile was on his chin. His eyes were wide and he was so afraid that the warrior had to hold him up lest he fall.

Simmonds wasn’t a coward. He was a good fighter or J.T. never would have had him on his team. But the Dragon warrior was too much. Simmonds took two painful hits before he relented and agreed to disarm the self-destruct.

After the laser bomb was deactivated, J.T. and the surviving men and woman were put in a corner and kept under heavy guard. Their hands were bound tightly behind their backs and they were forced into a sitting or lying position. Moving even a little brought a swift kick from one of the heavy-booted warriors. There was no escape.

Time dragged agonizingly while J.T waited for something to happen. The warriors who weren’t guarding the prisoners milled about, doing nothing important. J.T. wondered what the heck they were waiting for when the emperor himself arrived. Because of their Dragon guards, J.T. didn’t see him so much as hear him.

“Start dismantling the laser,” Emperor Kavak ordered, and men behind him came forth and went to work. “Jako, download everything you can get from these computers. General Trevine, are any of your prisoners the scientists working on the laser?”

“It doesn’t look like it, your Eminence, but possibly.” J.T. couldn’t see the man who spoke, but it sounded like Trevine was the Dragon leader that had tortured and killed two of his troops earlier.

“Let me see them,” Emperor Kavak said.

The Tredon warriors guarding J.T. and the others split apart. The warriors were large men, but most were not has big as the emperor himself. He was both tall and wide with bulging muscles. He had the same dark straight hair and same dark narrow eyes as the other warriors, but his nose was sharper and more angular. His glare somehow seemed more intense as well.

Despite the tremendous presence of Emperor Kavak himself, he was not the one that caught J.T.’s attention. On either side of the great man stood two boys – a child of about ten and an adolescent, both of which J.T. had encountered only months before – Jori and Terk, the Kavakian Princes.

(This sci-fi novella is protected by copyright) Copyright May, 2015 by Dawn Ross

You may share this sci-fi story so long as you link back to this website and mention, The Kavakian Empire by Dawn Ross.

The Kavakian Empire – Part Two Emperor Ch1b

Posted in Sci-Fi Part 2, The Kavakian Empire with tags , , , , , , , , on May 16, 2015 by Dawn Ross
space warrior

What a Tredon Dragon warrior might look like.

The Kavakian Empire

A Space Opera by Dawn Ross

Part Two – The Emperor

Chapter 1b

(Missed Chapter 1a of this story? Check the last post made on May 9th, 2015. Missed Part One? Email me at naturebydawn@aol.com for the first sci-fi novella of this continuing space saga.)

J.T. kept firing his phaser as he, Hanna, and the other troops retreated into the cave facility. Enemy laser fire erupted all around him and another blast dissipated J.T.’s energy body shield. Damn, that’s three, J.T. said to himself. His energy shield was now neutralized. One more shot would wound or kill him.

J.T. managed to duck inside the facility just in time. Since he had been at the front lines, he and the others near him had been the last to retreat.

“Close the doors!” J.T. commanded needlessly since the thick heavy blast doors were already descending.

The doors seemed to take forever, but in reality it took about five seconds. J.T. let out a sigh of relief when the doors thumped closed. But the moment was not to last. Those doors wouldn’t hold for long.

“Gardner!” J.T. called for one of his lieutenants. “Gardner!”

“He’s dead, Sir,” a man named Walden said.

A twinge of regret washed through J.T. but there was no time for mourning. “Walden, get the bombs in place.”

“Already on it, Sir,” he replied.

Sure enough, a group of troops came forward to set the bombs against the blast doors. When the enemy finally succeeded in opening them, they’d meet with a fiery inferno. Surely they’d expect such a thing so it was unlikely to stop them. But it would slow them down. Hopefully, it would be enough to make sure J.T. and his troops had enough time to set the self-destruct and escape through the elevator shaft.

J.T.’s superiors had debated about whether to dismantle the laser and transport it to safety along with the scientists. But it was too big and too cumbersome. It would take too much time, they said – time they would not have. They implemented a self-destruct, but ultimately, J.T.’s superiors thought they would be able to protect it.

J.T. was just now realizing his superiors had been wrong. Moments after he and his troops fell back behind a second set of blast doors, a huge eruption thundered through the facility. The ground trembled violently beneath J.T.’s feet, causing him and his troops to fall on one another. The walls cracked and crumbled around them. One large part of the plastered ceiling fell away, exposing the hard cave stone overhead.

J.T. helped Hanna to her feet. Her bun had fallen out and she had a streak of blood across her face. It looked like a laser burn, so apparently her body shield had failed too. The troops fell back to the third set of blast doors, and then the final fourth.

“Get the barricade set up quickly!” J.T. yelled as the heavy stone around them shook violently from the blast that had probably taken out the third set of blast doors. Just one more door left, J.T. thought. “Bracht, you have command of the left wing. I’ll take the right. Mendosa, how many grenades do we have left?”

“About two dozen, Sir.”

Damn. “Divide them up. Simmonds, activate the self-destruct. We’ll fight off these warriors for as long as possible, but it looks like we’re going to have to evacuate,” he said to all the remaining troops. “So once Simmonds sets the device, Bracht, you take your men up the shaft and get them out of here. I’ll follow.”

The Rabnoshk warrior didn’t look like he cared for the idea of retreat. But he knew there was no point to sacrificing more lives. He gave a curt nod and readied his men behind the left barricade.

The fourth and final blast door rumbled open.

“Get Ready!” J.T. yelled as he and the others ducked behind the barricades. This set of blast doors would not trigger a bomb. It would be too dangerous for him and his men.

As the door began to rise, J.T. fired is phaser at the exposed feet of the enemy. The sounds of warriors in pain echoed into the chamber, but they weren’t nearly as loud as the angry roars of the other Dragon warriors.

“Self-destruct set!” Simmonds called. “We have twenty minutes.”

“Bracht, go!” J.T. ordered. Bracht himself held his position as half of his men retreated to the elevator shaft. It could only hold twenty at a time and Brach still had at least forty of his team members left. J.T. had a little over thirty so it would take at least four trips to get everyone out before the self-destruct detonated.

The Alliance troops laid cover fire and threw grenades while their comrades escaped. Smoke from the grenades helped conceal them, but it didn’t keep any of them from getting hit with enemy fire. Most everyone’s energy shields had been spent to man after man fell. Two troops carrying a third in retreat was commonplace. Unfortunately, that made them easier targets and many didn’t make it.

“Aaah!” a lieutenant junior grade named Harley Brahm yelled. J.T. glanced at him long enough to see that he had taken a shot in the shoulder. It didn’t stop the young man, though. The dark-haired youth took his phaser in his other hand and fired anew.

“My phaser’s spent!” one of J.T.’s other troops yelled.

“Get back! Go!” J.T. told him. Bracht and his men were gone so it was his men’s turn to escape through the elevator shaft now.

Only a dozen or so of J.T.’s team were left when suddenly a grenade exploded across the hall to the elevator shaft. Then another. The walls rumbled loudly and shards of plaster and rock spewed across the troops J.T., still crouched behind the barrier and facing the enemy, felt sharp pains splatter across his back. His troops cried out in surprise, then groaned in agony.

Hanna and Harley were still on either side of him firing their weapons with desperation. A few other troops were still firing as well, but it all seemed rather hopeless. J.T. was sure his phaser would be spent at any moment and he no longer had a backup. He could try to recover one from a fallen troop, but that would mean leaving the safety of the barricade.

The enemy swarm, still at the open blast doors, had created their own barricade with their metal blast shields. J.T. fired intently into them, but had little luck. A tap on his shoulder nearly made him jump out of his skin.

“Sir,” a voice said. J.T. didn’t turn. He was too busy firing. And he knew the voice was of one of his own men, probably Simmonds. “We’re trapped.”

J.T.’s heart jumped to his throat. He felt the blood drain from his face.

“Those grenades destroyed the elevator,” Simmonds said. Without the elevator taking them close to the surface, the transport system would not be able to beam them out to safety.

Just then, J.T.’s phaser stopped firing. It was out of energy. He he realized Hanna and Harley were no longer firing either. A few of his other troops managed to keep the fire going. But within moments, their weapons were spent too. Shit, J.T. though. We’re dead.

(This sci-fi novella is protected by copyright) Copyright May, 2015 by Dawn Ross

Free to share so long as you link back to this website and mention, The Kavakian Empire by Dawn Ross.

The Kavakian Empire – Part Two Emperor Ch1a

Posted in Sci-Fi Part 2, The Kavakian Empire with tags , , , , , , , , on May 9, 2015 by Dawn Ross
Canyon on Alien Planet

What the Shovai Canyons on planet Thendi might look like. Imagine higher walls with black-garbed warriors swarming down the sides and amassing on the canyon floor.

The Kavakian Empire

A Space Opera by Dawn Ross

Part Two – The Emperor

Chapter 1a

(The Kavakian Empire is a sci-fi space opera written by Dawn Ross. Each part is a novella sized story and the story is a continuing saga. If you haven’t read Part One – First Encounter, you can read it by going through the archives beginning August 2014, by clicking through to the oldest post under The Kavakian Empire category, or by emailing me at naturebydawn@aol.com.)

A swarm of black-garbed warriors spilled over the canyon wall like an angry nest of fire ants. They repelled downward like greedy spiders descending to their prey, and in numbers far greater than J.T. had expected. The Alliance troops opened fire. The air around the enemy flashed and waved as laser fire fell upon their energy shields, reminding J.T. of a hail storm beating the surface of a lake. Emperor Kavak and his Tredon Dragon warriors had finally come.

J.T. tried to aim at individual soldiers and fire in succession. Three blasts would disable their body energy shields and a fourth would wound or kill them.

“They’re on the ground!” J.T. yelled as several warriors landed on the canyon floor. “Bracht, lay down the ground fire! Mendosa, fire the plat bombs!”

J.T. flinched as a laser blast hit is own body shield. That’s one, he thought to himself as he took aim at one of the dragon warriors that had just landed on the ground. J.T. managed to hit him with two blasts before the warrior ducked behind a boulder. Rather than continue to focus on that one man, who was still a distance away, J.T. took aim at another.

Suddenly the ground ahead erupted in rubble and smoke as the plat bombs exploded. The tremor nearly took J.T. off his feet and he and Lieutenant Hanna Sharkey grabbed one another’s arm to keep their balance. Debris pelted them but they were far enough from the blasts that the bits were small.

The explosives did little to stop the hoard of dragon warriors. If J.T.’s heart raced, he didn’t perceive it. The sounds of battle were loud, but J.T. hardly heard. He fired his weapon automatically, and systematically shot down warrior after warrior. He wasn’t so preoccupied with fighting, though, that he didn’t notice what was going on around him. As commander of the ground force, he gave orders where needed and directed more firepower to any troublesome areas where the enemy threatened them most.

Although J.T.’s superiors had plenty of time to prepare for the attack, the emperor seemed to come out of nowhere. Just this morning, J.T. had been told by Captain Arden that there had been no activity observed along the Tredon border or in the solar system of planet Thendi. There were several Alliance ships patrolling the Tredon border and three ships protecting Thendi. Although this planet was on the outskirts of Alliance territory, it was still some distance from the areas of Tredon control. So how did Emperor Kavak get here unseen? J.T. wondered.

Earlier today, J.T. had been reprimanding one of his ground troops for not paying attention while on duty. The man was no doubt utterly bored from all the days of inactivity. Two cycles of the moon by this planet’s time measurement had passed. That was nearly ninety day cycles by Alliance time conformity. The only incident in all that time was a minor one with a Grapne smuggling ship.

Shortly after checking up on his troops, J.T. got a report from Captain Arden. The captain, reporting from the Odyssey space ship above, announced the arrival of two giant Tredon warships. These warships were apparently no match for the Alliance ships. Alliance ships were faster, but the Tredon ships had a lot more firepower. It wasn’t long before Anacondas left the Tredon warship docks and descended into the planet’s atmosphere. The Anacondas then released their Rattler fighting jets and landed their Dragon ground warriors. Things happened quickly from there. J.T. had barely had his ground force in place when the black-garbed men descended into the Shovai Canyons. Now, J.T.’s troops were being overwhelmed.

A dozen Dragon warriors carrying large metal blast shields rushed forth.

“Aim for their legs!” J.T. shouted to his companions knowing their phasers would not be able to penetrate these physical shields. J.T. thought he had been fighting desperately before, but being able to see these warriors up close spurred him into a more furious determination. The enemy wore black reptilian armor spiked with metal barbs. They were large men, powerfully built. They moved with deadly purpose, no doubt trained for battle since birth and supplemented with plenty of experience.

“There’s too m. . .,” Malroy, one of J.T.’s men began to say. His head snapped back and his body fell like a sack of rocks to the ground. J.T. felt a touch of worry, but he had no time to check to see if Malroy was dead.

Another blast distorted J.T.’s energy shield. That’s two. For the first time since the battle had begun, J.T. realized he was feeling afraid. He aimed at the legs of the coming soldiers with single-minded determination. Some enemy warriors fell. Others slowed, but they weren’t stopping. J.T.’s heart thumped in his ears so loudly that he couldn’t hear the battle cries of the approaching warriors. He saw their mouths move as they charged. Their dark narrow eyes were filled with both hatred and lust. For J.T., everything seemed to slow, but the moments happened too quickly all at the same time.

J.T. was an excellent strategist, but even he couldn’t have prepared for the onslaught that the emperor hade unleashed. This planet had little in the way of technology. So they had no shields in place around the planet and their land-based firepower was technologically inferior. The only military might these Thendians had were ground troops and jet fighters. Unfortunately, the Thendian jets were no match for the Tredon Rattlers. If J.T. hadn’t been so focused on the ground fighting here in the Shovai Canyons, he would have noticed the numerous aerial explosions as the Thendi jets were shot out of the sky.

J.T. discarded his spent phaser and exchanged it for one that was fully charged. Lieutenant Hanna Sharkey did the same shortly after. Her face was full of determination. Her brow furrowed over her striking blue eyes. Her eyes were her only striking features. She wasn’t ugly, though. But nor was she pretty. She was, however, the best fighter among them, and destined for a lead position someday. Her hair was the sandy-colored, the same as J.T.’s. It had been in a tight bun earlier, but now several strands had come loose.

As a cluster of approaching warriors protected by several blast shields got closer, they needed to see where they were going. J.T. aimed for their heads when they peeked over. His hand was cramping from the constant firing of his weapon, but he kept shooting. Two of his blasts took down two warriors. Hanna and the men fighting around him took down three more. Others had already fallen so the two Dragon warriors left ducked behind their blast shields and waited for reinforcements. They didn’t wait long. Several other groups of warriors with shields advanced.

A quick glance down either side of the canyon passed told J.T. that their situation was hopeless. He had hoped to catch the enemy in a pincher on either side of the canyon. But the enemy had bombed both sides so that it was just J.T.s two hundred men or so against what seemed like a thousand Tredon warriors.

“Retreat!” he yelled. Hanna repeated the command back. Her sharp voice carried better. Another man further back repeated the message. J.T. didn’t need to see behind him to know his troops were withdrawing into the recesses of the canyon wall.

A large facility had been built into this canyon. Caves had been there previously so much of the facility was nature-made. The hundreds of scientists working within were likely already being evacuated. The rear of the cave facility had elevators to take them up close to the surface where they could be transported to safety.

J.T. and his troops protected their escape as best they could. But even when all the scientists were evacuated, J.T. still needed to keep the Tredon warriors from taking the dendium laser.

Thanks to an unprecedented amount of movement from the planet lithosphere, Thendi was being plagued by earthquakes and volcanoes. It was hoped that this powerful laser would be able to penetrate into the planet’s mantle and create a chemical reaction that would calm the plate tectonics down. J.T. didn’t understand it all too well, but he did understand the power of the laser well enough to know that it could be turned into a deadly weapon. It was believed that the laser, once fully developed, would be powerful enough to penetrate any energy field with just one shot, whether it was a shield that protected a spaceship or one that protected a planetary city. God forbid the most brutal warrior race in the galaxy got a hold of this thing, J.T. thought.

(This sci-fi novella is protected by copyright) Copyright May, 2015 by Dawn Ross

Free to share so long as you link back to this website and mention, The Kavakian Empire by Dawn Ross.

First Encounter – Improvements I want to Make

Posted in The Kavakian Empire with tags , on May 2, 2015 by Dawn Ross

I have finished my free version of “The Kavakian Empire” Part One: First Encounter. This free version is the unedited version and has been cut short so as not to give the story away. The formal version will be for sale when it is finished. These are the improvements I want to make:

 

J.T.’s Character – I need to flesh out J.T.’s character more. He is a highly competent man, which is another reason the captain made him his second-in-command. J.T. is fair-minded. He can be harsh with his crew members when needed, but he is otherwise patient and fair. At first J.T. is unsure of his new position with Captain Arden, but the two soon find that they are a good match. J.T. also has a bit of a sense of humor. He makes a few humorous comments to Jori. Jori does not have a sense of humor, though.

Chesa – Chesa is important in later parts, so perhaps I should include her more in part one. I don’t want too much, though. I don’t want her to be a distraction to the story.

Captain’s Feeling on Liam – I meant to include this somewhere, but forgot. The captain felt guilty about using Liam to extract information from Jori. He didn’t care much for such tactics because he believed in rights of privacy. But Robert is a man of duty. He was obligated to use Liam, and so he did.

Bigger Secret – Jori seems to be hiding a small secret about the scientists. Perhaps make it bigger and make it more important for the captain to try to find out. This will create more conflict, and not just conflict between the captain and Jori, but conflict with the captain’s conscience.

J.T. and Jori – Does it seem Jori warmed up to J.T. too quickly? I’m thinking of slowing it down a bit. Perhaps I can make Jori a little bit more of a brat, but not too much. Because Jori’s father is so strict, Jori is not the sort of noble that always gets his way. Yes, he has a sense of superiority, but he knows how to take orders.

Who Tipped Off the Admiral? – I didn’t mention who told the admiral about the Kavakian princes. I need to make it clear that the Grapnes told him. Could I have the Grapnes make more trouble in order to intensify the plot?

Descriptions – I purposely did not give much of a physical description for my characters. I know when I read, I like to leave it to my imagination. But other readers may prefer a little bit more to build on. I should just give the basic descriptions and perhaps at least one distinguishing feature. I shouldn’t provide too much detail, just a hint and let the reader fill in the rest.

Antagonists – I have no major antagonist in this part of the story. Calloway, Admiral Zimmer, Bracht, and the Grapnes are all antagonists, but their parts are small. Incidentally, Bracht is not as big of an antagonist as he seems. He is a man of honor and so protects the boys despite his strong feelings against them. I need to point this out more in the story.

Plot – I know my plot is weak. If you have any tips on making it better, please comment.

 

If you have any other ideas on how this sci-fi story can be improved, please feel free to comment below. I know I am an amateur writer and I can use all the help I can get. Constructive criticism is most welcome.